well today was fun... i got to have a total bs conversation with raven... its funny... she asks yuko to be there and then doesnt speak the truth cause of her presence... she still has feelings for me... that much is obvious... but i cant tell how deep they go... im trying not to force the truth out of her but it may be the only way... i still cant completely trust her... she wanted to be close to me... what exactly she wanted to be close for is still mystery to me though... she doesnt really care about her new boyfriend... she is trying to find a suitable way to redirect her feelings... its kinda odd watching someone else do it for once... now i know how foolished i must have looked back then... but yea... i still have plenty of horrid things to say to her... mostly the true things that are relavent and are just the harsher truth of it all... but yea... it was funny watching her try to lie... even yuko saw through her... tho i doubt yuko saw as much as i did... then again... thats why im not saying what raven was really thinking the entire time... i need her to figure out that i am still trying to watch out for her... she isnt doing it too well for herself and its my fault she isnt... thus i must try to stop her from getting hurt again... damn i hate my protective nature... i just want to keep ehr safe... she deserves a better life than the one shes got... i just cant be the one to hand it to her... i wont be that one... all and all it let me see a bit into her reality so maybe i know what to say to her next time... still not sure why she wants to hold on to those feelings... or let the wounds start to heal... and she just needs someone to look out for her... she cant do it herself... its proven now... the pain wont leave her cause she doesnt want to block the thoughts, memories, and emotions... i just cant figure out how to help her now... i need to find a way... she needs protection...

but after all of it was done and said and all the guilt had flooded me i still didnt once have her cross my hearts mind... i know i am past that part of my history now... i belong to (hopefully for forever) yuko... she is the only girl i love... its kinda nice to know that theres nothing that can pull me away from her... shes just so wonderful...

yuko... i love you... dont worry... i would die before i would ever think of leaving you... for her, anyone else, or any other reason... i am yours as long as you let me be here... i honestly and truely, love you.